Election Night...Apparently

Every four years i sit up and watch Election Night on BBC1 as it is a comedy gold mine. Hearing a politician say live on television 'If we do get a hung parliament then i want a well hung parliament' is just to good to miss. I almost fell off my chair from laughing so much. Also we had David Dimbleby saying 'We can now go live to David Cameron's house where he is about to come out.' I always thought there was something a little George Michael about that guy. Not saying he goes out to parks in the middle of the night for a 'nature walk' but would anyone really be suprised if he did...i certainly wouldn't.

I had a great idea for the election night. Run the election over two days and two nights and then on the third night we can have his highness Simon Cowell announcing the results live on ITV in some kind of cheap fireworks, glitter, sparkly things, pop music (probably JLS or Cheryl Tweedy/Cole or whatever we have to call her now) type event. We could even have a panal of judges to judge the politicians policies and ideas. The panal could consist of Danniiiiiiiiii Minogue, i'm sure we would all love to hear her thoughts on what Gordon Brown has to say about the economy. Obviously we would have to have Simon Cowell there so we could use his head as a level for the stage. Last but not least we would have to have the master of the rant Marcus Brigstocke there as we would need some intellect on the show. Also just so we can see him call David Cameron a 'Git Wizard'. I think that would be a masterful piece of television. I would certainly tune in to watch an Election Night X Factor. Oh it would be amazing. I can picture it now. Just close your eyes and imagine Simon Cowell giving David Cameron a dressing down...actually don't, i just closed my eyes and imagined it and i feel slightly dirty and a little violated. Oh the image of those two together, Smug and Smugger.

Just one last thought about this. Can we have an Erection Night? A pornographic version of the election, or erection if you please. To vote you just pop into your prefered booth and slide your pink slip into your 'box' of choice. This erection night could star David 'The Back Bencher' Cameron, Nick 'The 3rd Leg' Clegg and Gordon 'I like it in the' Brown.

I'll leave you with the image of the three of them all tugging for your votes. Until next time ladles and jellyspoons.