Every four years i sit up and watch Election Night on BBC1 as it is a comedy gold mine. Hearing a politician say live on television 'If we do get a hung parliament then i want a well hung parliament' is just to good to miss. I almost fell off my chair from laughing so much. Also we had David Dimbleby saying 'We can now go live to David Cameron's house where he is about to come out.' I always thought there was something a little George Michael about that guy. Not saying he goes out to parks in the middle of the night for a 'nature walk' but would anyone really be suprised if he did...i certainly wouldn't.
I had a great idea for the election night. Run the election over two days and two nights and then on the third night we can have his highness Simon Cowell announcing the results live on ITV in some kind of cheap fireworks, glitter, sparkly things, pop music (probably JLS or Cheryl Tweedy/Cole or whatever we have to call her now) type event. We could even have a panal of judges to judge the politicians policies and ideas. The panal could consist of Danniiiiiiiiii Minogue, i'm sure we would all love to hear her thoughts on what Gordon Brown has to say about the economy. Obviously we would have to have Simon Cowell there so we could use his head as a level for the stage. Last but not least we would have to have the master of the rant Marcus Brigstocke there as we would need some intellect on the show. Also just so we can see him call David Cameron a 'Git Wizard'. I think that would be a masterful piece of television. I would certainly tune in to watch an Election Night X Factor. Oh it would be amazing. I can picture it now. Just close your eyes and imagine Simon Cowell giving David Cameron a dressing down...actually don't, i just closed my eyes and imagined it and i feel slightly dirty and a little violated. Oh the image of those two together, Smug and Smugger.
Just one last thought about this. Can we have an Erection Night? A pornographic version of the election, or erection if you please. To vote you just pop into your prefered booth and slide your pink slip into your 'box' of choice. This erection night could star David 'The Back Bencher' Cameron, Nick 'The 3rd Leg' Clegg and Gordon 'I like it in the' Brown.
I'll leave you with the image of the three of them all tugging for your votes. Until next time ladles and jellyspoons.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Just a few things for now
I know it has been a while since i updated my blog but with everything going on in the world (election night, Sir/Lord/Baroness/Messiah Simon Cowell, another famous man cheating on his wife) it has been hard to find the time to update my blog. Now i have some free time i feel i need to unleash some pent up aggression i have about a few things i've seen/heard recently.
First and foremost is the 'Teenage Cancer Trust' show. Now, i'm not going to have a go at the trust it's self as they do fantastic work for the cause BUT i feel something needs to be said about their poor choice of sponsor for the show that was televised a few weeks back. Personally i think that using hair products as a sponsor for the 'Teenage Cancer Trust' is a little insensitive. Think about those poor kids sat there watching this after having had chemotherapy. We all know the major side effect of this treatment, hair loss. Now is it really a good idea to have a major hair product sponsor this show. That's kind of one in the eye for the poor kids sat there with no hair. It's almost as if the producer of the show is saying 'Look kids, look at what you cannot use...maybe one day you can use this product to style ones hair.' Insensitive? You be the judge. Also whilst i'm on the subject of this show i saw Noel Gallagher giving his thoughts on the subject. Here is a man who has an amazing way of answering a question without actually answering said question...i think he should go into politics. He also looks like a newly born naked mole rat with a wee bit of hair that's been dressed by The Beetles ninth choice stylist.
Secondly is Simon Cowell. For those of you who have been reading my rants or Robservations you would know by now that i am not his biggest fan to say the least. I now hear he is to become Sir Simon Cowell. WHAT!!!!!!!! Did i read that right...SIR Simon Cowell...SIR SIMON. It sounds like he is going to be a character from an old school Nintendo game! SIR SIMONS QUEST (that's just for you Castlevania or AVGN fans). Apprently he is being knighted because of his work for charity. I should fucking hope he does work for charity as he has most of our money! I say he does work for charity, i very much doubt he stands around a high street with a collection box asking the average 4pack Joe for some spare change. He probably writes a cheque and has done with it. That's not work for charity, that's picking up a pen and writing his name! I would love to see him picking up rubbish...hold on, he already does that judging by some of the acts he has signed. Maybe SIR SIMON, it still sounds wrong, could help in cleaning up an oil spill or maybe do some volunteer work in a charity shop. That way he could buy some of his acts CD's on the cheap. He might even pick up a copy of his biography as well. SIR SIMON COWELL...what ever next? Dame Katie Price!!
Lastly is Health and Safety...i've only one thing to say about the three most hated and feared words in the English language and that is GO FUCK YOURSELF AND STOP TREATING US LIKE 3 YEAR OLDS...ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN...DEAL WITH IT. Oh that feels so much better.
Until next time ladles and jellyspoons.
First and foremost is the 'Teenage Cancer Trust' show. Now, i'm not going to have a go at the trust it's self as they do fantastic work for the cause BUT i feel something needs to be said about their poor choice of sponsor for the show that was televised a few weeks back. Personally i think that using hair products as a sponsor for the 'Teenage Cancer Trust' is a little insensitive. Think about those poor kids sat there watching this after having had chemotherapy. We all know the major side effect of this treatment, hair loss. Now is it really a good idea to have a major hair product sponsor this show. That's kind of one in the eye for the poor kids sat there with no hair. It's almost as if the producer of the show is saying 'Look kids, look at what you cannot use...maybe one day you can use this product to style ones hair.' Insensitive? You be the judge. Also whilst i'm on the subject of this show i saw Noel Gallagher giving his thoughts on the subject. Here is a man who has an amazing way of answering a question without actually answering said question...i think he should go into politics. He also looks like a newly born naked mole rat with a wee bit of hair that's been dressed by The Beetles ninth choice stylist.
Secondly is Simon Cowell. For those of you who have been reading my rants or Robservations you would know by now that i am not his biggest fan to say the least. I now hear he is to become Sir Simon Cowell. WHAT!!!!!!!! Did i read that right...SIR Simon Cowell...SIR SIMON. It sounds like he is going to be a character from an old school Nintendo game! SIR SIMONS QUEST (that's just for you Castlevania or AVGN fans). Apprently he is being knighted because of his work for charity. I should fucking hope he does work for charity as he has most of our money! I say he does work for charity, i very much doubt he stands around a high street with a collection box asking the average 4pack Joe for some spare change. He probably writes a cheque and has done with it. That's not work for charity, that's picking up a pen and writing his name! I would love to see him picking up rubbish...hold on, he already does that judging by some of the acts he has signed. Maybe SIR SIMON, it still sounds wrong, could help in cleaning up an oil spill or maybe do some volunteer work in a charity shop. That way he could buy some of his acts CD's on the cheap. He might even pick up a copy of his biography as well. SIR SIMON COWELL...what ever next? Dame Katie Price!!
Lastly is Health and Safety...i've only one thing to say about the three most hated and feared words in the English language and that is GO FUCK YOURSELF AND STOP TREATING US LIKE 3 YEAR OLDS...ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN...DEAL WITH IT. Oh that feels so much better.
Until next time ladles and jellyspoons.
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